I think the answer is much easier.
To hide the tab you just can use the way you already tried or adressing the TabPage itself.
TabControl1.TabPages.Remove(TabPage1) 'Could be male
TabControl1.TabPages.Remove(TabPage2) 'Could be female
a.s.o.
Removing the TabPage does not destroy it and the controls on it.
To show the corresponding tab again just use the following code
TabControl1.TabPages.Insert(0, TabPage1) 'Show male
TabControl1.TabPages.Insert(1, TabPage2) 'Show female